My nipple is on Facebook.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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