Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
