We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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