So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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