Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
