True but thats because hes a fetus.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
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