So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
