This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
