I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
