well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I love having hate sex.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
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