You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
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