Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
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