there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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