ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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