Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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