thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
