I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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