dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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