I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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