I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
How drunk are you?
Completed.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
