Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
