i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
