Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
