Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
