i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
