we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
how drunk are you?
Several
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
