so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
