you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
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