You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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