it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
