I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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