having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
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