I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
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He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
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i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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