This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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