apparently the secret to your success is patron
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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