Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
