At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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