you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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