When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
