You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I just blew my weed a kiss
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
