sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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