you guys were way drunker than both of me
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
