It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
