Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
