Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
