last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
