You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
