I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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