Moan for me like Helen Keller
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
