If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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