We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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