ya dads aren't the best wingmen
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
