i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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