This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize