Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
