you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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