Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
it's great music for shaving your balls
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
