The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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