I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
