I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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