well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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