the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
