Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
