we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
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