dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Randomize
