I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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