And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize