Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Randomize
