i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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