Pants 0. Shit 1.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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