I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
